Imposter Syndrome
Notes and personal refection:
Popular advice has always touted that “get better. stronger, smarter” is finding people better than yourself. Find a job just above your level. Lift a weight beyond what you think you can achieve. Hang around people more intelligent than you. Train with people stronger and faster.
This is all true. It does work.
But. What this popular advice never mentions is the ramifications of it.
The first forgotten fact of the “better than you” experience is that - Its tough to find a new group of humans to spend time with. With friendships on the decline and humans becoming lonely screen-staring robots, finding, let alone spending time with, or being accepted into a “better” group of humans is hard work.
Second, we humans get comfortable all too easily. And we like it. It feels good to feel good. When you feel strong and fast and are having fun, the idea that there are people out there better, faster, and stronger is easy to ignore and facing it is even more challenging.
If you are a masochist, want to be around people better, faster, and stronger than yourself, are curious and want to learn, whatever it is, it is not as easy as prescribed.
For the last six years of being a new parent, the possibility of finding these humans has been out of reach.
But recently, after a lot of reaching out, I hit paydirt. A group of men that ski uphill every Friday morning are younger, faster and better skiers than me. Consistently climbing at the gym with someone much stronger than me. And starting this week, an old friend I am paying (because he is a guide) to teach me to climb mountains again.
As happy as I am about all of this, the result is an invisible kick in the throat. I started feeling less than weak, slow, old and out of my league. I realized it’d been a long time since I had been around people past where I was, and it felt weird. There was sadness and a feeling like - “Why should I do this because I am obviously not that great at it”… Here I am, working out hard, and these people are still better……It took some time for this to come out. And when it did, I had to sit back and face my ego once again.
None of it felt good. For a couple of weeks, I could not figure out why I didn’t really want to work out, to climb, to ski. I felt deflated and defeated. I had to literally pick myself up, and get going again. I could give some weak ass quote about how “this is how you do it, and this is how you get over it” bla bla bla..But in all honesty, it sucked.
I am sure this is not for everyone. And some days would be easier if I didn’t know these people. But things would not be as fun. I would not be learning more. I would not have new friendships, goals to chase, and places to go.
So if you find yourself surrounded by a group of people “out of your league”, stick with it. Don’t ignore how much it sucks. And don’t ever, ever, ever ignore the new guy in the group.
