How to/not commit….?
It has been 53 weeks since I was committed to training towards a specific goal. A decision I was ready for and desired. A decision I knew was right.
A decision I knew was the black yin to my white yang.
In 53 weeks, I have grown and learned most of what I knew was on the other side.
I have felt around the edges of being uncommitted. Investigated being set free from goals, data, metrics and a schedule. Felt the freedom of nothing, right alongside the jail it can create. I have let myself go while never getting back on the couch. I have allowed myself to try new things and ultimately found old passions that took a seat, waiting patiently in the back.
I went through periods of severe boredom. Lots of “less than”. Lots of feeling like shit. Feeling listless, flat, sad. At the same time, struggling with the understanding that these were the reasons for doing it. Feeling these things was important, part of the commitment.
Not committing to anything……is a commitment.
The other side of not committing is a deeper understanding of how much being committed means. How much purpose it can give. How much meaning. Pride. Confidence. Strength and direction.
Commitment (or the lack thereof) can look like many things. But what I learned is that each side of it has something to offer. I always believed committing to something was the only way to grow and improve.
Growth is not only in the doing but also in the not doing has been said before without a doubt, but experiencing it is much different.
Recent roads to commitment.
Getting back into this place was a surreal experience.
